Sorry 4 the belated post, Ang...& yeah, I know I'm a fucking slowpoke.
Alright, five classes I'd like to take if I could create my own curriculum 4 each. Here goes nothing...
1. Surfboard shaping for dummies - This course is designed for kooks wanting to shape without having to practice for years on end going thru the shop rat to sander to finish shaper apprenticeship process. It involves an intensive shaping practicum w/master shapers Jim Phillips, Donald Takayama & Dick Brewer. Students get to keep the finished product f/their final exam: a self-designed noserider glassed w/volan cloth by Shoreline in Hermosa Beach.
2. Schizophrenic cat defense - For those who have the unfortunate scenario of owning or dealing w/a Pet Sematary cast member, this course offers proven techniques for fending off said devil felines. Spray bottles, water guns, loud noises & advanced foot defense theory are all covered. Class materials include one pair of kevlar socks, plastic spray bottle, & koosh balls (distractionary tool). Super soakers also available upon request.
3. Emotional detachment 101 - An introductory course in the art of codependence/soulmate syndrome identification & avoidance. Emotional protection techniques such as mental wall placement, heart strongbox construction (welding exp. necessary) & daily isolation maintenance will be addressed. A special intensive on anger defensive/offensive strategies is also offered as an extra credit opportunity.
4. Life lessons practicum - An AP course designed to promote wisdom in all matters of life & love. Curriculum is individually tailored to fit each student's life path & lessons contracted to be learned along it. Prerequisites for this class include both Life 101 & Emotional Detachment 101 (see above). Note: ego suffering/attachment portfolio is also required for enrollment consideration.
5. Getting Even 101 - Anger management, suburban vigilante-style. Advanced non-lethal revenge techniques are discussed, along w/the basics of evil pranks, setups & booby traps. No remorse is permitted in this course - any students found possessing a sense of regret will be dropped f/the class immediately. Required viewing are Lethal Weapon 1-4, any Arnold Schwarzenegger film released between 1984 & 2003 (except The Jewel of the Nile, Junior, Last Action Hero & Twins), Rambo 1-3 & Missing in Action 1-3.
K, that does it...now guess the only two I can tag w/impunity are Lib & Chris. Remember that one of your courses must be f/my list. Go for it, guys!
3 comments:
I've done this one before and I think everyone has passed it around once or twice. I like that Schizophrenic Cat Defense class you offer though. I have a cat that fits that description!
You forgot that Cemetery is spelled w a 'c'???
Lib: My condolences. Ang's roommate's cat is a prime example of this - sweetness & light to them both, but a fucking terror to anyone else. I nicknamed her Sybil.
Ang: This reference is to the Stephen King movie, which the word is actually spelled Sematary in the title. Google it if u want...
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