Recap

New Year's Eve - It's been a long 365 days 4 me...seems like much longer. Let's review the highlights f/this year: 2 car accidents, numerous muscle strains f/said wrecks, three cars purchased & found to be lemons (God bless the motherfucking All-Tracs), mounting tax payments (last one due Jan. 19th after 2 extensions), & such emotional turmoil that I've never experienced b4 (save during adolescence).

Yup, that's it in a nutshell.

And yet after all this bullshit - all the logisitcal/financial obstacles, constant overwhelming emotional onslaught, etc., I'm somehow still standing. How the fuck did that happen?

No bloody clue.

My heart's capacity was stretched way beyond its normal limits in 2007. I've never experienced such a purging year of elemental change. Ever. It's like several lifetimes were magically crammed into 365 days. I had to sever all connections to my one true love, settle karma w/her in multiple past lives, process intense deeply buried childhood baggage, & then release everything in some constructive way w/out going fucking nuts.

What a rapacious year.

All this, notwithstanding my pure, unconditional love for girl #1 which still remains unspoken & unresolved.

So be it.

And now I must take my leave: a temporary exile to a warm place 4 rest & rejuvenation. Long overdue...

Oops, forgot about the culmination of my Crystal Therapy training & trying to establish a practice afterwards - an important footnote.

I can't predict the outcome of anything right now, nor will I allow my ego the indulgence. All I can do is put one foot in front of the other & focus on this moment. Because, truthfully, that's all there ever is.

Expectation is gone. Hope is an afterthought. All I have left is sitting here alone in this apartment, listening to the winter wind blowing across Nauset Inlet over open marshland & empty vacation homes.

All I have left is now.