I have traveled a long, lonely road of physcial & emotional attachment to a life story that essentially means nothing. There is no happy ending, no convenient plot wrap-up or magical elixir to appease this deep sense of loss. Having tasted the bliss of a resonance which cannot be duplicated, a love so pure it transcends anything else.
I surrendered everything I was @ once in that state.
Every moment in life led me up to the moment of experiencing it. And everything since has led down a path towards reclaiming its source.
Attachment, detachment, forgiveness & surrender - these are the recurring themes w/in all my life lessons. So intensely I've felt them lately, it seems like I'm running an emotional gauntlet or something. Their purging effects are almost too much to bear. It's a wonder I can even function, considering the sheer volume of elemental emotional & energetic change occurring in such a short time.
Having faced things so far alone, I continue to blindly navigate deep caverns of fear w/no support but my own intuition & dwindling sanity. Any promise of boundless love or wholeness at the end of this dark journey is all but spent. Nothing exists here but icy bitter winds blowing over a forlorn landscape of emptiness & discontent.
Any core beliefs I once protected are also completely gone. There is nothing left but guilt, anger & sorrow. It permeates me like acid eating thru skin, leaving nothing left but a festering mass of energetic cords to be severed @ their emotional roots. That is my cancerous body of attachment. One by one, I continue to identify and cut each cord, leaving none untouched. It's a slow & painstaking process, but necessary for both my survival & spiritual growth.
I feel utterly unqualified to perform such delicate & dangerous vibrational surgery, but there is no other way. Nobody else can.
Wandering in a barren wasteland of lost dreams & forgotten memories, I run barefoot along a trail of razor sharp broken glass. A cold light ever diminishes in the distance, robbing any chance of love or peace...
This all,
to be over.
1 comments:
John,
Yes, we are all ultimately alone in the end, but for what it's worth, I, and others like me if not me, will listen to you and try hard to support you during these trying times. Already you have been there for me and believe me, I really apprieciate it. For now, time is the only salve for your wounds and, you know, that takes time:)
oh and hey, I tag you, you're it!
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