Dust in the wind

This week we plan to scatter Lizzie's ashes. While the ME still hasn't declared a cause of death, this is our one tangible act of final closure on the whole ordeal. My parents originally wanted to bury her in the church garden so she could be nearby them @ work. I strongly disagreed, suggesting her ashes instead be released @ an open, natural location.

They eventually agreed, & it was settled to scatter them @ a local beach where she loved to walk w/Kaleb.

The ashes, of course, don't really represent her - they're just detritus leftover f/her physical form.

A few weeks ago, I watched a movie called Elizabethtown. Ironically, we saw it almost right after the funeral (then there's the title too). The premise is that a son (Orlando Bloom) travels to Elizabethtown, KY to collect his father's remains & bring them to Oregon.

A running debate exists on whether he should be cremated or not, & this eventually happens. While the film is pretty convoluted & hard to follow, its theme was undeniably familiar. We knew Lizzie was going to be cremated, but couldn't agree on how to deal w/the remains afterwards. My sister had this idea of everyone getting portions of the ashes & wading out into Cape Cod Bay @ the beach to let them go wearing (my) wetsuits.

This was, by far, the most complicated & useless way to address a truly simple act.

Kate was always one to want her way, but now circumstances dictated otherwise. She had to return home before the cremation could even happen. That made things a hell of a lot easier, f/my perspective. No offense to her, but my older younger sister can be a stubborn PITA sometimes. I still love her, tho.

So, we must choose a convenient day & time (when it isn't pouring out) to let Lizzie's dust fly into the wind. I don't know how everyone will react during said event, but it's more of a celebration to me than anything else. She's free f/form - no more dense physical boundaries or ego identity to deal with. I've longed for that ever since incarnating here again.

I'm over this multiple lifetimes shit.

Anyway, it'll definitely be hard on Mom & (especially) Dad. His anger towards Lizzie for allowing herself to deteriorate into such a languished state runs deep. That's his burden to bear until forgiveness is eventually reached. He's working on it, tho...every day.

We all are, in some way.

And will be for a while.