Today we officially observed Lizzie's death. Talk about somber - my stomach is still a churning pit of emotions, mostly grief & quiet despair. Standing in a church full of mourning people, only a few familiar, I literally felt everyone's pain. To some degree, a part died in each of us when Lizzie passed.
As the priest followed the motions of a fairly standard Episcopal funeral, I realized how grossly egocentric the whole process was. It extolled the virtues of a westernized male deity, praised to no end for allowing Elizabeth entry into his "kingdom" of heaven.
What a bunch of bullshit.
Who fucking cares about a false god's benevolence in granting imaginary asylum to a soul simply set free f/this mortal coil? I hate religion - its selfish dogma completely eclipses the Truth upon which it was founded. Lizzie's physical form has fallen away, but her spirit endures. Nothing can change that. Fact is, we are all god...precious parts of a unified whole.
This indignance kept me f/singing hymns or speaking congregational responses to the priest's flat, rehearsed lines. The service made no sense whatsoever - nothing more than useless theological drivel.
After said fiasco finally ended, I stumbled over to the parish hall for a meet & greet session w/unfamiliar bad-breath geriatrics en mass. After shaking hands &/or hugging about 175 grieving attendees, my right arm was ready to fall out of the socket. Almost all of them were my parents' friends - I knew maybe 10% of everyone in attendance.
Bloody depressing.
There was one redeeming moment when the priest recited a Hopi prayer I chose as a reading:
Do not stand
at my grave and weep.
I am not there,
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints
on snow.
I am the sunlight
on the ripened grain.
I am the gentle
Autumn's rain.
When you awaken
in the morning hush,
I am the swift
uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars
that shine at night.
Do not stand
at my grave and cry:
I am not there,
I did not die.
No other words of wit or wisdom to add here.
I just miss my little sister.
2 comments:
Johno,
I'm so sorry i wasn't able to make it. I wanted to be there and crack jokes at the old ladies and try and make things a little easier for you...I was thinking of you and your fam the whole day.
Thanks Anj,
I really missed you there...no worries on not being able to attend, tho. Your health always comes first. Stop by the bird sometime - I'd love to see ya.
Post a Comment