As I mourn Lizzie's death, the ocean has become a willing outlet to help purge such intense emotional pain. Having surfed the previous three days straight, I took a break yesterday b/c my body was exhausted. The grief kept me out there, paddling like a machine just to maintain some semblance of reality.
No words can describe this anguish. Its only equal is the darkness recently negotiated while processing all my childhood demons. Once again, I'm traveling blind w/no map or breadcrumb trail. Luckily, a terrific network of friends has offered unconditional kindness, sympathy & love. I am humbly grateful for their continued support, having also received help f/various energetic guides & allies.
Visited my parents Friday night @ the house for the first time since learning of Lizzie's death. I avoided that the prior two days, simply b/c it's where she died. I was terrified of the residual energy there & doubted my ability to manage it. Turns out I was okay - a big surprise, considering the circumstances.
Lizzie & I had remained distant for a long time before, mainly due to our age gap (11 years) & polar opposite lifestyles. Recently tho, she began rebuilding a rapport w/me thru increased contact via phone, email, etc. I responded in kind, & we continued talking on a semi-regular basis for a few months. It was never the closest relationship, but one still based in love @ the deepest level.
The emotional roller coaster I've ridden over the last several days has left me both exhausted & hollow, but also deeply thankful for such a great support system. I must thank one (former) friend in particular who, despite our differences, re-opened communications during said crisis. I still consider this person a true friend, past events be damned.
I miss my little sister terribly, but know she's now in a better place & free of all the pain. Lizzie took on so many core lessons during this lifetime, it rendered her young body too tired to function under the burden of such heavy karma. She had learned everything necessary & was ready to leave.
Problem is, none of us were ever prepared to let her go so soon.
That is all.
1 comments:
John,
Please know that you are in my thoughts. I know you will miss Liz terribly. I wish I could have known her better, but know that she was in my prayers every day of her life. Having lost a sibling I know a little of what you are experiencing. You can never be prepared. Just remember all the fun and good times and keep her memory alive for Kaleb.
Catherine Apel
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