Impasse

I am essentially alone on this journey. There's really been nobody else available for intimate support. No significant other to hug, cry on their shoulder, confide in or be held by thru darkness of night.

My longtime companions are pain, suffering & remorse.

Sometimes, I wonder why. The sheer volume of elemental change experienced over the last two plus years cannot be accurately quantified. No emotional scale exists to record such intensity. It is beyond measurement.

What I'm beginning to understand is the true meaning of wholeness. During my entire codependent relationship period (Kristin, Jill, et al), I was never actually ready to be in one. None of my aforementioned core baggage was even touched, much less fully addressed.

Everything I've endured has made me stronger - though I feel utterly spent. The irony of fundamental personal change is you emerge more whole, but seem completely fractured afterwards. In truth, I'm more complete now than ever before.

And yet still feel broken.

All my recent work was focused on personal karma, a seemingly perpetual purgative process & release cycle. Karmic contracts w/others are next in the cue. The biggest piece is coming soon, & I'm almost ready for it.

When our day of reckoning arrives, nothing will be the same afterwards - nothing.

Let it come.