No job, no furniture, no clue of what I'm doing yet. The transition continues...have I had any semblance of stability in the last five months? Not even close. There's nothing but indecision here. My path remains hidden & elusive. Facing base fears has forced me to dwell in suspended animation between the pages of life's chapters according to the book.
Truth is, I'm afraid to make the wrong choice.
As if I even knew what a good or bad decision was in the first goddamn place.
Have never been so blinded by doubt before. No amount of false ego confidence can overcome this sheer lack of direction. When arriving in Marin next week, I will be seeking clarity. Life must provide some subtle hint on how to proceed. I'm sick of such pervasive ambiguity - it serves no residual useful purpose.
Even after 3.5 months, the apt. still looks like an empty hotel room, reflecting said indecisiveness. Everything is (literally) still stored in boxes &/or stacked up against the wall. I need to finally choose & commit to that decision...whatever it is. Should I stay or go? Will work materialize? Can I make rent w/out liquidating some keepsake asset for cash? Can I manage another winter here alone? Will I travel somewhere during February for sanity's sake?
These questions echo loudly within the caverns of my mind - all unanswered.
A virtual gauntlet of uncertainty.
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