Messiah

My tolerance for solitude has ended. I have effectively alienated myself f/any sort of intimacy for about 20 yrs, simply b/c I didn't have the tools to handle such an emotional dynamic. My intention was never to become so distant & removed...it just happened that way.

After three years of grinding inner work, combined w/multiple external triggers, I'm finally ready to open up again. The most recent instance almost obliterated my heart. It's only been on the mend since the letter was sent.

To remember utter bliss which lasted a lifetime while your counterpart remembers nothing is quite possibly the ultimate form of torture ever devised. Of course I want some (hell, any) kind of validation, but no. My cycle of detachment is complete. She left me behind, & I'm finally returning the favor. To effectively cut an emotional cord you need the right tool. I was trying to cut piano wire w/plasticware. The connection is now severed...thank you sawzall.

And yet she still wants to be the center of energetic attention. This will not happen.

If you wanted to come back in, do it all the way. Don't pull the karmic promise bullshit. That doesn't wash anymore. This lifetime is about breaking those patterns, no matter what emotional duress they were based in. I'm not here to save you or anyone else (read: Jill) from learning lessons chosen to experience before even incarnating - not my job. You want to be a princess? Figure it out: he's controlling your every move. If you don't have the backbone to leave, then you bloody deserve it.

End of sermonette.

What I'd like now is someone real, nurturing, nonjudgmental, gentle, kind & beautiful. Someone who is (or @ least aspires to be) Present. I don't have the mindspace for more drama, expectations or ego. It's what put me on the shelf in the first place.

As I'm now retiring, the position of Dysfunctional Savior is currently open - anyone else care to apply?

Didn't think so.