Sitting in front on the fire,
I remember my youth
A young brave
on the hunt.
Running Bull
told me to stay at the back
of the hunting party
I obeyed him,
begrudgingly
There I sat –
waiting for a chance
to prove my worth
to the other braves
Suddenly, a shot
We all ducked,
fearing for our lives
I felt a sharp pain
In my left side
I fell off my pony
crying in pain
There was no warning,
just warmth
and blood everywhere
I woke up next to a fire
in our village Shaman’s teepee
He was Red Thunder
His eyes were painted black
and his face red
He said very little
but just tended to my wound
I lay in a pool of blood
He cleaned and cauterized
the hole.
He then showed me the bullet
that had pierced my olive skin
Jagged and rough,
it dripped of my own blood.
He said “rest now”
Gave me a drink
of some hot concoction
And then I blacked out
Woke up later
with a bandage on my stomach
Running Bull came to check up on me
He asked how I was
I said – “tired, but fine”
He said “you shouldn’t have survived that”
“Why” I asked
“It was meant for a warrior,
not a young brave like you”
“I don’t understand”
I said.
“You will” he said
I fell asleep again
Waking up w/a start
I sensed the Shaman’s presence
He said “ you have been chosen”
“For what?” I asked
“To heal others”
he whispered
“How?”
“Through the drum
through journey
through hand
and heart”
“I don’t understand”
“You will, Young Elk.
You will”
I now know
what he meant
It is a gift
A skill to be forgotten
and remembered
over and over
until the time
arrives
When I am ready
to apply it.
To a younger self
I say – do not be afraid
Allow it to come forth
Become your destiny.
2/29/08
2/27/08
Cliffhanger
Was reading a close friend's post about the one that got away recently. I can fully relate, especially the part about fearing something too good for you. She ran away f/said relationship b/c she wasn't ready for it. This reminds me of how truly afraid I was of girl #1. To reach such a pure, intimate level of Presence w/someone so effortlessly scared the shit out of me.
Then I remembered there was no closure to it, either - no resolution.
Ironically, my friend Jen was chiding me for not saying anything to girl #1 about my feelings towards her yesterday. Well, how the fuck could I? Notwithstanding that she's already in a committed relationship, there's also the fact we've never even gone on a date (or otherwise). If I told her, she'd probably file a restraining order in like five minutes flat.
Both these fears have stonewalled me f/expressing this undying love for her - hence, my own version of running away.
The whole thing is essentially madness, but I couldn't help it. One lesson I've learned over time: you cannot deny base emotions. No matter how insane they may seem to everyone else, we all feel them for a reason. There's a purpose to that lump in your throat, those butterflies in your stomach, the intense love, pain, regret, sadness, happiness or anger inside you.
Emotions remind us of the lessons connected w/them we're here to experience.
The unconditional love I have for girl #1 is as real to me as anything else I've ever felt (& practically visceral in its effect). I can neither ignore nor deny it. My lesson was learning to live w/this, allowing such core resonance to simply be w/out attaching to the emotions surrounding it.
Hardest thing I've ever done.
Guess I just wish there could be some kind of closure to it, but don't anticipate that, either. Whatever - still best to keep quiet. My only concern is not being able to start something w/anyone else until these unresolved feelings towards her are addressed. Perhaps this won't present a problem...
I don't expect the precipitating event, anyways.
Then I remembered there was no closure to it, either - no resolution.
Ironically, my friend Jen was chiding me for not saying anything to girl #1 about my feelings towards her yesterday. Well, how the fuck could I? Notwithstanding that she's already in a committed relationship, there's also the fact we've never even gone on a date (or otherwise). If I told her, she'd probably file a restraining order in like five minutes flat.
Both these fears have stonewalled me f/expressing this undying love for her - hence, my own version of running away.
The whole thing is essentially madness, but I couldn't help it. One lesson I've learned over time: you cannot deny base emotions. No matter how insane they may seem to everyone else, we all feel them for a reason. There's a purpose to that lump in your throat, those butterflies in your stomach, the intense love, pain, regret, sadness, happiness or anger inside you.
Emotions remind us of the lessons connected w/them we're here to experience.
The unconditional love I have for girl #1 is as real to me as anything else I've ever felt (& practically visceral in its effect). I can neither ignore nor deny it. My lesson was learning to live w/this, allowing such core resonance to simply be w/out attaching to the emotions surrounding it.
Hardest thing I've ever done.
Guess I just wish there could be some kind of closure to it, but don't anticipate that, either. Whatever - still best to keep quiet. My only concern is not being able to start something w/anyone else until these unresolved feelings towards her are addressed. Perhaps this won't present a problem...
I don't expect the precipitating event, anyways.
2/18/08
Lock & key, reprise
Ego story: boy meets girl. Boy immediately falls for her, then discovers she's either unwilling or unavailable to hang out. Boy is both puzzled & frustrated by this, then somehow manufactures a tale of tenuous connection between them both. This, just to satisfy his vain need for personal drama.
How many times have I experienced this? You don't wanna know...
That pattern really did rule the roost for a long time w/me. It played itself out w/Kendra, Rita, Kristin, Jill & most recently girl #1. What a crock of shit. So, am I supposed to believe every chick I meet is somehow inexorably connected w/me thru past lives or some other etheric means?
Fuck off.
I'm over it - the truth is, I haven't found someone who could put up w/me long enough to make a true connection. Not that I'm even that difficult to manage. In fact, I'm prolly the lowest maintenance person you'll ever meet. So, with all my loyalty, compassion, nurturing & honesty just brimming for a relationship, how come nobody can see this?
Well...?
Yet another paradox is this: while I desire to have one, my fear of intimacy based in abuse & manipulation has kept me f/allowing it to happen. That is quickly changing. Basically, I've met people but cannot express any sort of interest until surrendering to the need.
I hate it - the longing for a relationship. Why should I have to rely on someone else as a crutch to support me when I've been able to stand alone for so GD long?? Fucking bullshit. You know what, tho? It's also the one aspect I've never given myself permission to fully experience. If nobody else exists to meet me halfway for a relationship, @ least I can finally say I gave it a bloody chance - then go back to being an island.
The irony is that my potential for nurturing someone may remain untapped, eventually becoming stagnant. All I want is a chance to have a somewhat normal (read: quiet) relationship w/out all the previously viewed drama or ego trappings.
Too many of us fear allowing another in to see our truly vulnerable side, with all the emotional & physical frailties which make us human. Don't be afraid - just stay vigilant @ the gateway, only giving access to those you can truly trust.
If anyone even exists...
How many times have I experienced this? You don't wanna know...
That pattern really did rule the roost for a long time w/me. It played itself out w/Kendra, Rita, Kristin, Jill & most recently girl #1. What a crock of shit. So, am I supposed to believe every chick I meet is somehow inexorably connected w/me thru past lives or some other etheric means?
Fuck off.
I'm over it - the truth is, I haven't found someone who could put up w/me long enough to make a true connection. Not that I'm even that difficult to manage. In fact, I'm prolly the lowest maintenance person you'll ever meet. So, with all my loyalty, compassion, nurturing & honesty just brimming for a relationship, how come nobody can see this?
Well...?
Yet another paradox is this: while I desire to have one, my fear of intimacy based in abuse & manipulation has kept me f/allowing it to happen. That is quickly changing. Basically, I've met people but cannot express any sort of interest until surrendering to the need.
I hate it - the longing for a relationship. Why should I have to rely on someone else as a crutch to support me when I've been able to stand alone for so GD long?? Fucking bullshit. You know what, tho? It's also the one aspect I've never given myself permission to fully experience. If nobody else exists to meet me halfway for a relationship, @ least I can finally say I gave it a bloody chance - then go back to being an island.
The irony is that my potential for nurturing someone may remain untapped, eventually becoming stagnant. All I want is a chance to have a somewhat normal (read: quiet) relationship w/out all the previously viewed drama or ego trappings.
Too many of us fear allowing another in to see our truly vulnerable side, with all the emotional & physical frailties which make us human. Don't be afraid - just stay vigilant @ the gateway, only giving access to those you can truly trust.
If anyone even exists...
2/16/08
Gauntlet
Now that I've decided to open myself up again to the possibility of a relationship, the past must be purged out completely to make room for this possibility. About 5 months ago, I burned every last photo of girl #1 in my possession. Today, I'm burning a letter written to expunge my sins f/years ago. It's hard to explain, but an integral part of the same process.
My heart has forced this hand, & there is no turning back. I have no choice but to move into the present, allowing whatever may come to emerge thru Life Intelligence. The intention has been set: I give full permission for a relationship to manifest within my reality.
That's a scary thing, kids - esp. after all the ultimately damaging ones I experienced before. Nevertheless, it is imperative to move on...somehow. I simply cannot settle for a substandard scenario based in codependence again.
Have yet to meet someone ready to meet me on a level playing field in terms of a relationship (@ least who wasn't already taken). There can be no expectation, unecessary drama or bullshit - this much is clear. I'll bail @ the first sign of any of that. Am ultimately over it.
I've experienced too much pain, anguish, regret & loss to manage under those conditions any longer.
This message is for anyone seeking a uniquely atypical & lasting relationship based in quiet love/respect that'll actually work: if you're ready to stop the ego pretending & simply be with someone now, let me know. Of course, nobody has presented themselves yet...& I don't really expect it, either.
Until then, I refuse to compromise anymore.
That is all.
My heart has forced this hand, & there is no turning back. I have no choice but to move into the present, allowing whatever may come to emerge thru Life Intelligence. The intention has been set: I give full permission for a relationship to manifest within my reality.
That's a scary thing, kids - esp. after all the ultimately damaging ones I experienced before. Nevertheless, it is imperative to move on...somehow. I simply cannot settle for a substandard scenario based in codependence again.
Have yet to meet someone ready to meet me on a level playing field in terms of a relationship (@ least who wasn't already taken). There can be no expectation, unecessary drama or bullshit - this much is clear. I'll bail @ the first sign of any of that. Am ultimately over it.
I've experienced too much pain, anguish, regret & loss to manage under those conditions any longer.
This message is for anyone seeking a uniquely atypical & lasting relationship based in quiet love/respect that'll actually work: if you're ready to stop the ego pretending & simply be with someone now, let me know. Of course, nobody has presented themselves yet...& I don't really expect it, either.
Until then, I refuse to compromise anymore.
That is all.
2/14/08
My Bloody Valentine
Well, here we are on Valentine's Day - one of my least favorite holidays. Maybe it's b/c my last GF & I broke up a week before this 2 yrs ago, or maybe I'm just jaded anyways, but V's Day has always annoyed me to no end.
It's really a corporate holiday based in empty romantic gestures as dictated by society so people can pretend to still be in love & then go back to ignoring eachother in the kitchen the other 364 days a year.
Love should be enduring, not so trite that a holiday is necessary to remind you about it once a year. What a fucking joke. Of course, my cynicism is well-founded (but unnecessary beyond an ego perspective). Whatever. Either way, I'm over it.
I actually do appreciate the emotions behind V's Day, just not the corporate buy-a-gift-or-you-don't-really-care-about-me propaganda upon which they rest (read: plain old bullshit).
This is one reason why I've stayed out of the dating/relationship game for so long: expectation-based holidays which reduce love to a consumer commodity. The hollow beliefs everyone holds in romantic love will always need such gross evidence to exist: proof of true commitment.
The whole thing reeks of contrived sentimentality - enough to make me want to puke.
So, this (closet romantic) cynic will now retreat into his hole again - content to view everything f/the safety of my own emotional stronghold lest someone breaks down these defenses & infiltrates w/real affection or whatnot.
Happy Valentine's Day.
It's really a corporate holiday based in empty romantic gestures as dictated by society so people can pretend to still be in love & then go back to ignoring eachother in the kitchen the other 364 days a year.
Love should be enduring, not so trite that a holiday is necessary to remind you about it once a year. What a fucking joke. Of course, my cynicism is well-founded (but unnecessary beyond an ego perspective). Whatever. Either way, I'm over it.
I actually do appreciate the emotions behind V's Day, just not the corporate buy-a-gift-or-you-don't-really-care-about-me propaganda upon which they rest (read: plain old bullshit).
This is one reason why I've stayed out of the dating/relationship game for so long: expectation-based holidays which reduce love to a consumer commodity. The hollow beliefs everyone holds in romantic love will always need such gross evidence to exist: proof of true commitment.
The whole thing reeks of contrived sentimentality - enough to make me want to puke.
So, this (closet romantic) cynic will now retreat into his hole again - content to view everything f/the safety of my own emotional stronghold lest someone breaks down these defenses & infiltrates w/real affection or whatnot.
Happy Valentine's Day.
2/12/08
Impact
One of the most basic things I always wanted was to leave some kind of impression on someone else's life. For some reason, this was a big deal to me, maybe b/c it never felt like I had before in a lasting way. While it does resemble codependency, I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps it could qualify as that within a relationship context.
Anyway, after being drawn into the black hole known as Jill, it was definitely a motivating force to continue marching down the road to oblivion (until becoming so decimated I could travel no further). Upon finally peeling away all those thick layers of anger & denial, I realized something: my dedication to both her & Kristin was driven by a desire to be controlled, as well-established by my own sexual abuse @ the hands of a woman as a child.
This surrender of power to another, seemingly involuntarily each time, was a repeat of that originating event. The lack of control I felt was so intense, it branded me emotionally to seek similar circumstances in every interpersonal relationship since. This is an important epiphany, as it isolates the true source of all my self-imposed misery.
It's the classic dominant-submissive pattern, played out in a more subtle fashion thru sexual & emotional manipulation, esp w/Jill. She was a master manipulator & surely sensed my weakness early on. Of course, I wouldn't allow it to happen today...but was automatically vulnerable back then. Wide open to any kind of dominance &/or attack.
For a long time I've been locked down emotionally to revent any further infiltration by hostiles w/a similar agenda. The vicious cycle of attracting addictive manipulators has also ended, but not w/out some backlash. The pain is still there - & viscerally raw, these days. Have processed most of it, tho...something I never imagined possible, based on the pure volume existing before.
That was my legacy - an emotional prison of submission & self evisceration. Somehow this punishment perfectly fit my crimes.
Gazing out the window into the cold light of day, I now acknowledge my true pardon f/all this. An elemental lesson was hidden w/in the entire experience: acceptance. I had to accept myself with all of my faults & past history, no matter what that comprised, in order to move forward into the present.
One hell of a transition.
Welcome to your life...there's no turning back
Anyway, after being drawn into the black hole known as Jill, it was definitely a motivating force to continue marching down the road to oblivion (until becoming so decimated I could travel no further). Upon finally peeling away all those thick layers of anger & denial, I realized something: my dedication to both her & Kristin was driven by a desire to be controlled, as well-established by my own sexual abuse @ the hands of a woman as a child.
This surrender of power to another, seemingly involuntarily each time, was a repeat of that originating event. The lack of control I felt was so intense, it branded me emotionally to seek similar circumstances in every interpersonal relationship since. This is an important epiphany, as it isolates the true source of all my self-imposed misery.
It's the classic dominant-submissive pattern, played out in a more subtle fashion thru sexual & emotional manipulation, esp w/Jill. She was a master manipulator & surely sensed my weakness early on. Of course, I wouldn't allow it to happen today...but was automatically vulnerable back then. Wide open to any kind of dominance &/or attack.
For a long time I've been locked down emotionally to revent any further infiltration by hostiles w/a similar agenda. The vicious cycle of attracting addictive manipulators has also ended, but not w/out some backlash. The pain is still there - & viscerally raw, these days. Have processed most of it, tho...something I never imagined possible, based on the pure volume existing before.
That was my legacy - an emotional prison of submission & self evisceration. Somehow this punishment perfectly fit my crimes.
Gazing out the window into the cold light of day, I now acknowledge my true pardon f/all this. An elemental lesson was hidden w/in the entire experience: acceptance. I had to accept myself with all of my faults & past history, no matter what that comprised, in order to move forward into the present.
One hell of a transition.
Welcome to your life...there's no turning back
2/8/08
Coming clean
My life - my past...who cares about any of it? Like Anj said, everyone has their own problems. Mine are probably a drop in the bucket compared to most people's, anyway. I honestly don't expect special treatment (certainly haven't received much thus far). And why should I? Life doesn't owe me anything - never did, either.
God, I've been bellyaching about this crap for months, now. Somehow it got so overblown, I literally became addicted to all the ensuing drama w/in my dumbass little life story. I mean, who gives a flying fuck? It's utterly useless, right? Just shit that happens...yeah, sure.
Any difficulties/obstacles we encounter in life are actually challenges - they only become problems if we label them as such. Until now, I perceived past baggage & patterns as conflicts. Well, guess what: they weren't. I viewed them negatively, creating the issues on demand. My own fault. Therefore, I have no more excuses for this continuous victim clause pissing & moaning.
Time to shut the fuck up already & move on.
That is all.
God, I've been bellyaching about this crap for months, now. Somehow it got so overblown, I literally became addicted to all the ensuing drama w/in my dumbass little life story. I mean, who gives a flying fuck? It's utterly useless, right? Just shit that happens...yeah, sure.
Any difficulties/obstacles we encounter in life are actually challenges - they only become problems if we label them as such. Until now, I perceived past baggage & patterns as conflicts. Well, guess what: they weren't. I viewed them negatively, creating the issues on demand. My own fault. Therefore, I have no more excuses for this continuous victim clause pissing & moaning.
Time to shut the fuck up already & move on.
That is all.
2/6/08
Humans Being
Just realized something: I've been so lost in all this content bullshit that I forgot how to just exist. Physical life is often such a menagerie of useless crap, it (normally) drags you into its fervent momentum & never lets go. I've beem submerged in said madness for a while now. How does it feel to simply breathe? To sit quietly for a while without getting caught up in endless thought about shit which elementally doesn't matter? Can't rightly remember...
I haven't had one moment of rest f/this onslaught of constant emotional turmoil, worry, stress & frustration for months. Today, it's finally time for a breather.
My life story is nothing more than a collection of ego-generated thoughts, reactions, judgments & preferences fueled by fear & desire. This is commonly called the human condition. And, for some reason, everyone always aspires to it.
Fuck that - being human sucks. It's merely a programmed set of behavioral responses engineered by the ego to perpetuate its own survival. All the importance in our life situations is imaginary. Nothing truly matters that much.
A suggestion: if you're stressed about life (as everyone usually is), take five minutes to sit still & not think. Try it - you'd be surprised @ what happens.
That quiet is the space where we all originated from &, @ the core, always reside. When we're hopelessly absorbed by the life story, this inner Stillness is completely forgotten - exactly what the ego wants.
Word to the wise:
Just be - forget the rest.
That is all.
I haven't had one moment of rest f/this onslaught of constant emotional turmoil, worry, stress & frustration for months. Today, it's finally time for a breather.
My life story is nothing more than a collection of ego-generated thoughts, reactions, judgments & preferences fueled by fear & desire. This is commonly called the human condition. And, for some reason, everyone always aspires to it.
Fuck that - being human sucks. It's merely a programmed set of behavioral responses engineered by the ego to perpetuate its own survival. All the importance in our life situations is imaginary. Nothing truly matters that much.
A suggestion: if you're stressed about life (as everyone usually is), take five minutes to sit still & not think. Try it - you'd be surprised @ what happens.
That quiet is the space where we all originated from &, @ the core, always reside. When we're hopelessly absorbed by the life story, this inner Stillness is completely forgotten - exactly what the ego wants.
Word to the wise:
Just be - forget the rest.
That is all.
2/5/08
To my own Sisyphus
You can roll that stone
To the top of the hill
Drag your ball and chain behind you
You can carry that weight
With an iron will
Or let the pain remain behind you
Chip away the stone
Chip away the stone
Make the burden lighter
If you must roll that rock alone
You can drive those wheels
To the end of the road
You will still find the past right behind you
Try to deny
The weight of the load
Try to put the sins of the past night behind you
Carve away the stone
Carve away the stone
Make a graven image
With some features of your own
You call roll the stone
To the top of the hill
You can carry that weight
With an iron will
You can drive those wheels
To the end of the road
You can try to deny
The weight of the load
Roll away the stone
Roll away the stone
If you could just move yours
I could get working on my own
To the top of the hill
Drag your ball and chain behind you
You can carry that weight
With an iron will
Or let the pain remain behind you
Chip away the stone
Chip away the stone
Make the burden lighter
If you must roll that rock alone
You can drive those wheels
To the end of the road
You will still find the past right behind you
Try to deny
The weight of the load
Try to put the sins of the past night behind you
Carve away the stone
Carve away the stone
Make a graven image
With some features of your own
You call roll the stone
To the top of the hill
You can carry that weight
With an iron will
You can drive those wheels
To the end of the road
You can try to deny
The weight of the load
Roll away the stone
Roll away the stone
If you could just move yours
I could get working on my own
2/4/08
Idiot Savant
Know those times when u wish it was possible to rewind & erase something u said or did b/c it happened thru pure stupidity? I had one last night. A word to the wise: never drink & blog...even if you're just replying to a comment. I lost my shit for a little while & behaved like a gold-plated asshole in the process.
First of all, I was already pissed off (which never bodes well for coherent or constructive commentary, no matter the subject). Secondly, I had no business criticizing said person's actions or scenario.
I am an idiot.
Essentially, the individual responded in defense to my reply, & then a flurry of flaming comments ensued. That was not my most shining moment. While I had good intentions, they were lost in translation. Now I'm eating my hat & wondering if she's written me off completely.
This is not like me, which makes it even more frustrating.
All my work-related stress & personal shit have really contributed to tenuous emotional state lately. Can't avoid that, but could hopefully keep myself in check w/everything else, right?
I'm doing the best I fucking can under these circumstances.
It's been difficult to say the least. And f I inadvertently overreact to something (which I normally never do), sometimes this can't be helped. Guess what I'm trying to say to her is please cut me some slack. But maybe I don't deserve that. Guess it's your choice.
I'm sorry.
First of all, I was already pissed off (which never bodes well for coherent or constructive commentary, no matter the subject). Secondly, I had no business criticizing said person's actions or scenario.
I am an idiot.
Essentially, the individual responded in defense to my reply, & then a flurry of flaming comments ensued. That was not my most shining moment. While I had good intentions, they were lost in translation. Now I'm eating my hat & wondering if she's written me off completely.
This is not like me, which makes it even more frustrating.
All my work-related stress & personal shit have really contributed to tenuous emotional state lately. Can't avoid that, but could hopefully keep myself in check w/everything else, right?
I'm doing the best I fucking can under these circumstances.
It's been difficult to say the least. And f I inadvertently overreact to something (which I normally never do), sometimes this can't be helped. Guess what I'm trying to say to her is please cut me some slack. But maybe I don't deserve that. Guess it's your choice.
I'm sorry.
2/3/08
Core
I see the vision:
a drunk lucid dream
of companionship
played out
countless times
within a vicious cycle
of codependent
manipulation
and emotional abuse.
Innocence
stolen
and never recovered
Unconditional love
utterly destroyed
by vanity,
fear
and insecurity
A pure heart
infected
by jealousy,
desire
and deceit
This deadly pattern
exposed
for all its injurious
efficiency
No more remorse -
the anger is too great.
Now I feel entitled
to something
my ego thought
I never deserved
The paradox:
I want a relationship
but deeply fear it
at the same time
The risk is too high.
I cannot lower
my armor long enough
to allow someone
even partial access
She stripped me
of all emotional defenses
in one effortless stroke
There was nothing left
but a trembling soul,
naked and vulnerable
How the fuck
do you repair that
kind of core damage?
How can I
ever learn
to trust
(or love)
again?
These questions I ask
almost every day,
receiving no answer.
I meet everything head-on,
never expecting another chance,
with no map to navigate
thru this pain.
Alone.
a drunk lucid dream
of companionship
played out
countless times
within a vicious cycle
of codependent
manipulation
and emotional abuse.
Innocence
stolen
and never recovered
Unconditional love
utterly destroyed
by vanity,
fear
and insecurity
A pure heart
infected
by jealousy,
desire
and deceit
This deadly pattern
exposed
for all its injurious
efficiency
No more remorse -
the anger is too great.
Now I feel entitled
to something
my ego thought
I never deserved
The paradox:
I want a relationship
but deeply fear it
at the same time
The risk is too high.
I cannot lower
my armor long enough
to allow someone
even partial access
She stripped me
of all emotional defenses
in one effortless stroke
There was nothing left
but a trembling soul,
naked and vulnerable
How the fuck
do you repair that
kind of core damage?
How can I
ever learn
to trust
(or love)
again?
These questions I ask
almost every day,
receiving no answer.
I meet everything head-on,
never expecting another chance,
with no map to navigate
thru this pain.
Alone.
2/2/08
Out of the closet
My ego has been on a tear the last few days...actually, it's more the pain-body. Little bastard's pushing all my buttons pretty successfully. One reason I suspect is b/c my work scenario has been really tense. Our boss developed a sudden anal retentive streak when money became tight, & it was really wearing thin on me big time. We finally got the word yesterday that things are good for the next six months, but he was a royal PITA beforehand.
The whole venture capital scenario is so tenuous anyway, I'm surprised we've lasted this long. I have no illusions about it panning out - altho that would be nice considering all the work everyone's put into the site. What I do recognize recently is a huge opportunity to transition into Crystal Therapy as a bona fide backup in case things don't work out.
There's a Whole Health Expo happening a few towns away in March. I went as a visitor last year, & this time am slated as an exhibitor. We have a booth reserved & there will be several others joining me under one entity. I've done tradeshows before, once as an exhibitor & several times as a visitor.
The difference now is I'm actually doing mini-treatments on both days, which is an intimidating prospect. All my practice has been done pretty much under wraps before. This is almost like a coming out event for me as a CT practitioner. Honestly don't know if I'm really ready.
Of course some familiar faces will probably stop by, which is a good thing. But as far as the general public goes, I have no idea. Have practiced this stuff since the end of last summer, but am I truly ready to enter the paid arena yet? Guess there's no better time to find out...
Life Intelligence has led me to this point - I just hope I'm up to the task.
That is all.
The whole venture capital scenario is so tenuous anyway, I'm surprised we've lasted this long. I have no illusions about it panning out - altho that would be nice considering all the work everyone's put into the site. What I do recognize recently is a huge opportunity to transition into Crystal Therapy as a bona fide backup in case things don't work out.
There's a Whole Health Expo happening a few towns away in March. I went as a visitor last year, & this time am slated as an exhibitor. We have a booth reserved & there will be several others joining me under one entity. I've done tradeshows before, once as an exhibitor & several times as a visitor.
The difference now is I'm actually doing mini-treatments on both days, which is an intimidating prospect. All my practice has been done pretty much under wraps before. This is almost like a coming out event for me as a CT practitioner. Honestly don't know if I'm really ready.
Of course some familiar faces will probably stop by, which is a good thing. But as far as the general public goes, I have no idea. Have practiced this stuff since the end of last summer, but am I truly ready to enter the paid arena yet? Guess there's no better time to find out...
Life Intelligence has led me to this point - I just hope I'm up to the task.
That is all.
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