Dartboad, part II

Been pondering when I should post here again. Guess now is the time...

I'm flying to Costa Rica this winter for a respite in late January. Never done anything like it before, so should be an interesting experience. Never traveled abroad, for that matter.

I don't really know what to expect, & was pretty apprehensive the first week or so after booking the ticket. My anxiety was eventually assuaged upon speaking w/some good friends who will be down there @ the same time.

For a while I've known my time on Cape Cod is limited. The place just isn't cutting it anymore, socially or otherwise. In terms of work, I'm somewhat busy here...but don't feel like that's enough to keep me for the duration.

Personally, I've had less than stellar results. Just feel like I don't belong in New England - never really did. Ever since returning f/CO, I feel disconnected f/this place. It's like all my past emotional cords to it were just severed @ once.

While this is not a bad thing, it does beg the question: WTF is my reason for being here (beyond mere subsistence)?

My quest of path & purpose has led me to some strange places in (not so) recent history: California, Upstate NY, Denver, etc. These locations in & of themselves were neither good or bad. They exist indepedently of my ego filters judging them as worthy homes. My connection must be with the land - the trees, earth & ocean. One destination I've never visited is the Pacific Northwest. Another is the Southwest. These are both on my list...

Trying to carve out a personal life on Cape Cod is like chiseling a hole thru granite w/a nail file. It takes (interminably) too long & becomes a war of attrition. This social scene is so inbred, so utterly killed, even associating w/the usual suspects is an act of pure futility.

Obviously, I gave up a while back.

The next step is reaching out to people in other places & investigating those options. That's what this winter will be about for me.

If not here, then where?

Let the darts fly.