Do I really belong here?
That question came up recently. This place, which I've forcefully adapted my life situation to for 24 yrs, doesn't seem to fit anymore. In the distant past, I resolved to chisel out a niche on Cape Cod. But things are different now...unless it can change as much as I have, there's no point anymore. Just like w/the relationships - fear is the root cause of my geographic stagnation.
Finally may be time to move.
Location? Blindfolded, dart to a wall map. The only prerequisites are:
- waves
- sun
- forest
- grounding
- youthful community
- spiritual connection
- plentiful work
- quiet
Pretty much sums it up. If I am supposed to stay here, it'll be split time - half the year on Cape, half somewhere else. New England winters are too long & harsh to weather straight thru. Have also reached my limit w/the old paradigm of waiting for something to happen. I must take action, & soon.
The first step is shedding those stale, outmoded aspects which no longer serve. They include unnecessary relationships, patterns, material items, beliefs, judgments, everything. Strained friendships are being culled, sentimental items sold or given away, old ego dreams abandoned. None of them holds any useful purpose to me now.
Time will tell if this place retains any value, either.
That is all.
3/30/09
3/14/09
Serendipity, interrupted
Back on the sandbar - not sure what the hell is going on, either. Things feel different, but I can't say why. Bloody strange...
Spent February in FL to escape, recharge & recuperate f/a long, hellish 2008. Mission accomplished. I feel 100% better than before. A gentle combination of vitamin D, surf, warm air & healthy food did me a world of good. Now, time for a fresh start. Seems like circumstances are also trying to align accordingly - something I don't remember before.
Logistically, the transition has been smooth so far. Also notice an energetic aspect constantly adjusting to accommodate my changing life path. That's as best I can describe it. Then there's the karmic aspect (which feels like everything is coming to a head somehow). For example: said option to help girl #1 break her longstanding negative relationship pattern.
My initial response?
No thank you.
None of my unconditional love for her was ever reciprocated. It just all eventually disintegrated into emotional pain & misery.
Not worth the waste of time...whatsoever.
No true obligation exists here; no karmic balance to restore. She consistently chose the lesson for herself. Nobody else forced her into it. Moreover, she chose to summarily walk away. This, after blithely manipulating & betraying me before.
The space she once inhabited is empty. I've vigilantly maintained that vacancy, save maybe a single candle lit to illuminate the darkness. It has become my temple of inner Stillness and shall remain as such - a dark, quiet & sacred place.
No trespassers allowed.
Spent February in FL to escape, recharge & recuperate f/a long, hellish 2008. Mission accomplished. I feel 100% better than before. A gentle combination of vitamin D, surf, warm air & healthy food did me a world of good. Now, time for a fresh start. Seems like circumstances are also trying to align accordingly - something I don't remember before.
Logistically, the transition has been smooth so far. Also notice an energetic aspect constantly adjusting to accommodate my changing life path. That's as best I can describe it. Then there's the karmic aspect (which feels like everything is coming to a head somehow). For example: said option to help girl #1 break her longstanding negative relationship pattern.
My initial response?
No thank you.
None of my unconditional love for her was ever reciprocated. It just all eventually disintegrated into emotional pain & misery.
Not worth the waste of time...whatsoever.
No true obligation exists here; no karmic balance to restore. She consistently chose the lesson for herself. Nobody else forced her into it. Moreover, she chose to summarily walk away. This, after blithely manipulating & betraying me before.
The space she once inhabited is empty. I've vigilantly maintained that vacancy, save maybe a single candle lit to illuminate the darkness. It has become my temple of inner Stillness and shall remain as such - a dark, quiet & sacred place.
No trespassers allowed.
3/4/09
Messiah, part III
Well, turns out there's a bit more to this plot than I realized.
Anyway, won't bore you w/the details. Suffice it to say I have an opportunity to help you-know-who out of this mess of a karmic pattern she's currently locked into. Received some channeled info yesterday indicating the option.
Not taking it.
There's no reason or obligation for me to follow thru...especially knowing her true motives. That's the deal-breaker. She manipulated/betrayed me & eventually broke my heart.
No quarter.
You submitted to his domination a long time ago - time to finally grow a set & face those fears. If you can't, my responsibility is not to do it for you. Said choice is yours & yours alone. Case closed.
Fuck this karmic repayment bullshit. Enough is too much.
That is all.
Anyway, won't bore you w/the details. Suffice it to say I have an opportunity to help you-know-who out of this mess of a karmic pattern she's currently locked into. Received some channeled info yesterday indicating the option.
Not taking it.
There's no reason or obligation for me to follow thru...especially knowing her true motives. That's the deal-breaker. She manipulated/betrayed me & eventually broke my heart.
No quarter.
You submitted to his domination a long time ago - time to finally grow a set & face those fears. If you can't, my responsibility is not to do it for you. Said choice is yours & yours alone. Case closed.
Fuck this karmic repayment bullshit. Enough is too much.
That is all.
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