Hold fast

what do i truly feel? why am i truly here? why does this scenario keep playing itself out? the role of complacent fool was never one i wanted to play. yet it seems to be exactly what i am: a listless wanderer, continually drawn to & f/this bipolar peninsula of mediocrity.

makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

next question: how can i affect any sort of change in the current scenario?

no idea.

had i waited so long as to outlive my own practical usefulness for the sake of a utopian dream of new age bliss which will never arrive? what madness is that?

had i become the very thing i despise the most: a willingly submissive victim of circumstance, so psychologically helpless that i can't even effectively subsist on my own?

perhaps so.

my aesthetic of passive living is no longer an effective paradigm.

i can literally do anything f/a manifestation standpoint. so why don't i?

failure, financial ruination, dying alone, never reaching my full potential, no impact on the world - shall i go on?

all these, irrational fears born of ego manipulation.

have i already given up? am i completely doomed w/no hope of success or love in life?

no, but sure as hell feels like it.

face your fears...or suffer in their shadow for an eternity.

meet them head on.

once more, into the fray.

Event horizon

emotions
trapped inside

passion
buried deep within

underneath
sedimentary layers
of pain,
loneliness
and fear

feelings
are slowly extruded
to the surface

breaching
as reaction
and discontent

demanding
attention,
action

and (finally)

birthing change

let them come

let the impasse
manifest

i am ready