Resolved

the life situation is pushing me, so i'm pushing back. this struggle paradigm is over. i'm done making excuses, tired of settling for less & finished w/just getting by. fuck the ego paradigm of an imaginary helplessness, victim of circumstance, pity party bullshit mentality.

i must be some kind of bad science experiment...or else something f/all the random crap i've tried would've panned out already.

it's like running on a track of hot liquid tar - you start fast & steadily lose momentum until you're literally stuck jogging in place. i cannot explain this scenario other than to say it's kicking my financial ass. and i'm bloody sick of that.

feels like everything i've tried is contrary to what my true gifts are. basically, i've been dodging a destiny bullet for 25 yrs...until now. i can't hide any longer.

the days of an imaginary safety net are long gone. time to take full responsibility for myself & my scenario. time to finally grow the fuck up.

that is all.

Catalyst

waiting
watching
for a tidal shift
from ebb to flow

no impetus for change
beyond my own
ego ambition

no reason to progress
beyond my own
distaste of stagnation

no forward motion
just busy work
to fend off boredom

no serendipity
just logistical
calculation

when does the plan end
and the dream begin?

where does my journey
truly start?

it can only happen
within the stillness
of now

it can only occur
within the space
of my heart

let the flame
of passion
ignite my soul

let my ship
finally depart