so the decision is made - after flying to FL, i'll return to the island for several months to prepare for an imminent exodus by Labor Day. as tempted as i was to just bail, logistics have forced me to stay until the proper exit point. no matter...a few dharmic housekeeping items remain to be addressed anyways.
living here has been a long, painful lesson in self-awareness. the past forced a continuous exposure to virtually every painful episode within a good 15-20 lifetimes to process.
i received no quarter & didn't deserve any.
that, plus a full docket of current life karma to resolve, kept me busy
for almost a quarter century. it felt like a full-time job for many
years & practically was.
ironically, even though the land still cries for retribution of unresolved trespasses, i cannot
comply. the intense anger driving me to defy my puritanical persecutors is no longer in control.
i've actually gained some valuable gifts from Cape Cod too. my deep connection w/Nature was firmly established here. mountain biking & surfing were the means. purgative change was the motive.
of course, i just recently began acknowledging these contributions.
formidable resistance has gradually dissipated into quiet acceptance. the fight was never worth all my suffering simply for some imagined sense of ego satisfaction. it's basically what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object: complete acquiescence on both sides.
truth is, i'm better off leaving than staying somewhere i don't belong.
these next 5-6 months will be spent preparing for a spiritual journey into the west.
my healing path begins now.
that is all.
